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Wherever He Ain't
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Bernadette Peters
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1
This ninny of a puppet was available
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The second that he called
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And all he had to do was yell, "Hey, Mabel"
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And this dumb hash slinger crawled
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For seven lousy years, I've watched him swear
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And shove and shout
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"With you or without you"
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Well, it's gonna be without
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I gotta give my life some sparkle and fizz
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And think a thought that isn't wrapped up in his
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The place that I consider paradise is
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Wherever he ain't, wherever he ain't
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No more to wither when he's grouchy and gruff
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No more to listen to him, bellow and bluff
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Tomorrow morning I'll be struttin' my stuff
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Wherever he ain't, wherever he ain't
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Enough of being bullied and bossed
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Ta-ta, Auf Wiedersehn and get lost
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I walk behind him like a meek little lamb
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And had my fill of his not giving a damn
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I'll go to Sydney or Ceylon or Siam
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Wherever he ain't and wherever he ain't
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It's time for little Nell to rebel
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If he's at Heaven, I'll go to Hell
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My little love nest was a terrible trap
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With me behaving like a simpering sap
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And so I'm looking for a spot on the map
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If he's going south, I'm going north
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If he's going back, I'm going forth
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Wherever he ain't
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