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The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me)
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Tom Waits
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1
The piano has been drinking
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My necktie is asleep
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And the combo went back to New York
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The jukebox has to take a leak
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And the carpet needs a haircut
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And the spotlight looks like a prison break
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'Cause the telephone's out of cigarettes
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And the balcony's on the make
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And the piano has been drinking
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The piano has been drinking
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And the menus are all freezing
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And the light man's blind in one eye
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And he can't see out of the other
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And the piano-tuner's got a hearing aid
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And he showed up with his mother
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And the piano has been drinking
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The piano has been drinking
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'Cause the bouncer is a sumo wrestler
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Cream puff Casper milk toast
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And the owner is a mental midget
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With the I.Q. of a fencepost
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'Cause the piano has been drinking
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The piano has been drinking
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And you can't find your waitress
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With a geiger counter
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And she hates you and your friends
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And you just can't get served without her
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And the box-office is drooling
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And the bar stools are on fire
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And the newspapers were fooling
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And the ash-trays have retired
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'Cause the piano has been drinking
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The piano has been drinking
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The piano has been drinking
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Not me, not me, not me, not me, not me
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