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Rolf Harris
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Dockers Mc
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1
Dear incredible Rolf Harris
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I woke up this morning feeling awfully embarresed
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This is my 26th letter and you still have no responded
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Its not my fault that my thoughts have been bombared my your indescribable ways
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Your connection with music
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I have your signature on my wall so I never, ever lose it
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I will never forget your didgeridoo
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I'm learning it still and I've scraped a Grade 2
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It sounds so earthy though I'm not as good as you
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I'm gonna double up my lessons so I can be just like you
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I was in a band, so I can understand
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What its like to be a struggling musician
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Hard to get your word out on the streets when nobody will listen
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I play the keyboard
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I'm Grade 6
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Mum calls me Stevie Wonder
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Its a bit embarrissing
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I love playing the keyboard
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I love Stevie Wonder too
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But I love you more
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Stevie's shit compared to you
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You've made me vegatarian
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After all your animal shows
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Its actually rather easy
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But a bit awkward at home
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Mum won't cook anything without a creature in it
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She can't give me an apple without rubbing a bit of meat around it
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I said 'Mum I don't eat that, I'm veggie like Rolf'
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She said 'Stop being so bloody difficult and do as you are told'
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I adore your artwork
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I've won some pieces at some auctions
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I've got a big book at home - some of my own imitations
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Of your excellent work
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I sometimes draw my friends
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Sometimes we all dress up and I play you for pretend
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I wish I was you
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I can dance you know
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I could be everything about you
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Except for the beard
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Cos...obviously well...I'm a women and well that would just be wierd
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Saying that, I have seen them
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In fancy dress shops
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Theres one on my highstreet I pop in quite a lot
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But I digress
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Its not about jokes
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If it was a beard I was after I'd like other blokes
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But they aren't all-round artists!
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And like I've said I've captured all my friends as cartoons as caricatures
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They all say 'Yeah Rolfs are good, but his aren't as good as yours'
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Oh and lookie here
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I'm not the only one to notice your so great
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You've got a personal call to paint a royal portrait
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And there you are
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As quick as jack sticks to show off your art
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Up to bloody Buckingham to paint the ageing tart!
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26 times, Rolf, I've written to you
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You've had your chance but now it has fled
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Seems you think I was better off dead
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You still won't paint me after all I've said?
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I tie myself kangaroo down sport instead
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