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National Sports Association Hires Retired English Professor To Name New Wrestling Holds
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Yo La Tengo
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The National Association Of Sports Administration
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Had a problem with one of its games.
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Some of the wrestlers were winning their matches
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With holds that didn't even have names.
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The ringside announcer and most of the fans
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Were surprised and completely confused,
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So they hired a retired college English professor
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To name the new holds that were used.
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A Slow Dance With Trouble
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Appointment With Pain
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And a Dunk In The Devil's Teacup
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King Tut's Crunch
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And the Rubber Wrist Twist
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Were all names the professor thought up.
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And then he came up with the Slow Poke
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(That's a wind-up and slow motion slap)
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And the Porcupine Hug
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ANd the Polar Bear Rub
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And the Snap-crackle-pop-crackle-snap
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The Lip Pull Hip Throw
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And Tongue Twister
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The Chin Pinch
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And High Diving Splat
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The Hair Pulling Eye Poking Nose Tweak
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And something called Shaving The Cat.
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After naming new holds every day for a week
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He got kind of carried away
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He started to talk the same way at home
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Every time he had something to say.
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Like:
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"Darling, please pass me the tiny white balls
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From the table top tumbler vault."
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When all that he really meant to say was
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"Honey, please pass me the salt."
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